ireallythought

His arm wrapped around me as I cried out every negative feeling I had ever experienced. That moment we shared was a moment in time I didn’t feel so utterly alone. He got me, understood my pain and gave me space to feel them without oversharing about his. It felt as if he took his warm hand and caressed my heart with it, it took away the heaviness. He was with me every day, in my mind and sight he stood as an anchor to my sad soul. He was kind hearted and sensitive, he gave me the space I needed, while keeping a comfortable atmosphere.

L was everything to me, I could feel how much he loved people and he let them know in a form I couldn’t exactly put my finger on. In the car that night I cried out my sorrow to him and he just held me, this was something I had never experienced in my 20 years of life on this earth. I know that is not a lot to some, but it was a lifetime for me. Everything he did for me was lacking self motivation and I cherished every single moment. The way he looked at me was something I couldn’t help but feel safe with. It was caring and lacked the judgment or pity that I usually received from others. I felt like I finally got out something I was carrying for too long.

The time we spent together felt like centuries. We laughed until tears came out, we cried until tears came out and we spent high quality time with one another. The time period of my life was fulfilling and I felt like I could fly. When he did speak L came through my mind with words that didn’t cut into my heart they lifted it up and showed me life couldn’t be so cruel. I felt like I was finally ready to take on the world with a new found peace. He was truly a God send, and angel in disguise of a messy brown haired boy. He was young but his soul seemed to be beyond his years on earth. Yet his spirit was free, youthful, and like a warm summer night. It was refreshing having that around me a breath of fresh air, a spring in my heavy steps.

Yes he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders but that didn’t matter. He was there for others and strong in himself. His bonds with others were wholesome and pure, yes, he was human and had many faults, but those cracks in him were also beautiful. He showed compassion and held space for those who needed it. He had pain beyond measure but carried his baggage away from others. His life had never been easy but he did not let that change him for the worse he held himself together and held on for others.

L and I grew very close and we had a love that I had never had in my few years on the earth, but it meant everything to me. It was an irreplaceable and unconditional, something that was priceless. We spent our time doing things we should and shouldn’t have, but it was life and we were living it to the fullest. Strangers probably looked at us like we were crazy but L was never bothered by what others thought and that eventually started to influence me to be more like my true self. I had been finding myself and he was there to support me on that journey.

Time is unfortunately something we cannot control and like most good things it did come to an end. It was heart-wrenching, a tugging of my soul. A twin flame that was tragically snuffed out. There was no closure, nothing that told us it was going to come to jolting halt. He was gone. Never to return or hold me again. I would never hear L’s voice again, I would never feel his skin against mine. I would never again feel his warm embrace; he was found lifeless. Someone had wrongfully taken his life and there was no justice or anything I could do about it. My true love, Prince Charming was lost to me. His soul may live on through me, but his physical presence was gone.

until next time. -g